I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
