How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
