No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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