She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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