I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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