You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
