I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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