I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
