I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
