Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
