Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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