I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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