he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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