Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
