did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
