There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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