Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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