Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
did i walk over a car last night?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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