For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
