Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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