i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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