apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
