Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
