just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
