Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
