I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
