My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
