I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
