The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
