She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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