Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
