You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
not ubering you a puppy
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
