Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
