; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
