My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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