Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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