Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
