u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
