i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
