even my farts smell like vagina
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
