oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
