Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
