I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
