Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI

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(940): View more from Texas

I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.

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(716): View more from New York

i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis

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(716): View more from New York

You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...

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(516): View more from New York

sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

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(913): View more from Kansas

I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

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(510): View more from California

I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I ate the most amazing corn dog today.

(517): View more from Michigan

I will probably dream about it.

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(623): View more from Arizona

FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.

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