Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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