I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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