How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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