She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
