I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
