So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
