ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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